Monday, March 30, 2009

Home at last...

Holy smokes. Can I be more exhausted? Late nights, early mornings and crazy amounts of driving, flying and trains...all this in the company of my wonderful non-stop barfy, stomach. But on the flip side, what a fantastic trip! Got to meet the new nieces and nephews (plus our "godnephew" that a word?) whilst traipsing about in PA, VA, MD & DC. My dear friend Emily even played hookey from work and drove us down to Gettysburg. Once I unearth the camera, I'll upload a few pictures.

I'm now officially 14 weeks and finally starting to show. My little sister (who just had her second baby 6 weeks ago) loaned me a ton of her maternity clothes (mostly tall sizes which thrills me to no end...seriously I can think of nothing more appalling than a tall preggo lady wearing shirts that barely cover her belly!).

Thursday, March 19, 2009

"Leaving on a jet plane...don't know when I'll be... to get on the internet again. We're heading out this am for a 10 day whirlwind trip to visit family and friends in DC/Virginia and Pennsylvania. All I can think about is please Lord, for the sake of everyone on the plane keep me from barfing the whole flight. After a yucky start this morning, I'm hopeful that the stomach will cooperate. I have all my magazines and books to read, plus enough dramamine for the whole flight crew and passengers! You know, the only thing I really love about airports is that there are always tons of Starbucks and the gimmicky little tourist shops are always worth a browse! Good times!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Infertility and crazy comments week…

This has been THE week of bizarre IVF comments from folks that I know well and a few of them, well, not so well.
From our sweet grandmotherly neighbor: “Oh, you’ll have no problems getting pregnant next time since you're pregnant now”, (I tried gently to explain that we were treated for male infertility and IVF/adoption are the only options for children—I’m still not sure if she understood)

from the gal that we purchased a baby changing table from: “you should have gone to a blessing service at church—it’s all about faith AND also go to lots of baby showers, that will ensure that God blesses you with a child because you are blessing others” (what do you say to that one???…I just nodded and looked at the floor)

or the one that hit me as I was face down on the massage table at the chiropractors last night: “did you get to design your baby i.e., choose the sex of the baby and it’s hair color & eye color” ?

It’s so difficult (and incredibly painful) to trudge through years of infertility and all of the social awkwardness and stigmas that come with it, but once you actually have a successful treatment (and or/adoption for many) it’s like you automatically become some kind of ghastly science/social experiment or even worse, a faith experiment. Don’t get me wrong here, I am in no way disparaging these good people and their kind intentions, nor am I knocking religion or faith. DH and I are both Christians and have prayed many years for God’s will regarding a family and also for graciousness of spirit when responding to all of the well meaning---but decidedly cruel 2 legged "social disasters" that come our way.

I just wish people would consider the appropriateness of their words. I know all of us have said things that can never be retracted and it’s such a horrible feeling to know that your words “pierced” someone else. You can tell by the look in their eyes after you’ve opened your mouth and the stupid words just come tumbling out that you’ve lost something in your relationship that you’ll never get back. I remember hurtful things said in anger to my parents or siblings over 20 years ago…I think the memories can haunt you forever even after you’ve apologized and tried to make amends. But what about those who appear to have no clue that what they’ve said is inappropriate or hurtful?

I like what Pastor John MacArthur teaches about the tongue (James 3:1-5) the full sermon transcript is available here

"Everyone of us is carrying around a concealed weapon." All we have to do is open our mouths and it's unconcealed.

If you're a normal person, you spend one fifth of your life talking.

You speak about 18 to 25 thousand words a day. Some people have said that men speak 25 thousand words a day and women speak 30 thousand words a day,

We could probably put together a 54-page book every day of our words.

In one year, we would probably produce about 66 800-page books.

So, I guess the question directed to myself today is: what words are being written in my book? Obviously, I can’t control the content of the "books" being written around me, but I do have the power to direct the words that will be imprinted on my pages. So, onward I march…into the battle of words, hoping and praying that I respond with grace and kindness (and don’t take personal offense) to those well intentioned people who always manage to say the wrong thing. AND, deep within me I still wonder, am I too sensitive about infertility? Maybe so, but we “fertility challenged people” shouldn’t be subject to such a relentless torrent of stigmas and inappropriate comments from others.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

odds and ends

1). The past few nights, I wake up at 3-4am terrified that I've overslept and missed carpool. Of course, going back to sleep never happens.

2). FINALLY I'm starting to feel human again. In fact, the other night I went positively wild and actually made homemade lasagna! Hubby was ecstatic!

3). Why does our health insurance not cover the vitamins my OB prescribed? I mean, come on, they shelled out some serious cash for IVF, but now they don't care about the next 6 months? Very strange.

4). I arrived home the other day to a carnage of chewed needles, bottles of repronex and progesterone scattered all over the living room. Bandit was bored and ransacked the supply of leftover (but unopened) fertility meds that we planned to donate back to the clinic for other patients. Thankfully the furry (but loveable) idiot wasn't hurt or even bleeding. How he got into the hall closet and selected the bag of meds, I have no idea. Even more puzzling, why in the world would a dog chew on needles?

5). Sciatic nerve stuff? Anyone know why/how it starts? HMMM...I've never had back problems before and now there is shooting pain and numbness in my lower back and leg. Next week will be my first EVER visit to a chiropractor so it should be an interesting experience!

6). Why don't I feel like responding to what seems like a gazillion phone calls, e-mails and facebook friends? I just want to find a quiet corner somewhere in this world and be left alone to sleep and ponder life. Am I a wannabe hermit lady?

7). 1/3 of my co-workers will be jobless as of the 31st. While I'm glad to still be employed, I feel just terrible for them. Our receptionist has been with the firm for 20 years. This economy sucks!

Ok. Enough of the random ramblings for now!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Donuts and Dramamine!?

So, my 10 week with the new OB went well. I got to hear peanuts heartbeat @ 156 which he said is perfect. The funniest part of the whole visit was the poor nurse trying to calculate my progress/due date. Apparently she wasn't familiar with IVF (nor did she read the massive pages of fertility charts that our RE faxed over) anyway she was absolutely exam room was across the hall from the nurses station and I heard her asking several people what to do. She came in the exam room 3 times to ask me again, ok, when was your last cycle (when I replied Oct. I swear her eyes bugged out of her head) when was your retrieval, how far along are you, etc. She even showed up with the handy little circular chart to try and calculate my stats. Why she didn't go through my charts and find the last ultrasound and calculate from that, I have no idea.
The OB put me on dramamine and said I should hopefully lose the all day sickness at 12-13 weeks. I'm SO hopeful and just praying that the next couple of weeks go quickly. I miss good food and feeling well!
Oh, and to celebrate the success of my first OB appointment I indulged in some cinnamon donuts...OH my gosh...SO GOOD and little peanut didn't seem to mind!!!! :-0