Monday, June 8, 2009

What a grouch....

What is wrong with me? I feel like I'm ALWAYS grumpy! The poor hubby has had to deal with my snappy impatient, hormone crazed self since last fall and there seems to be no end in sight. It must be the hormones and truthfully, it feels like I've not had a good night sleep in SO LONG! Probably the non-stop nausea and food issues are not helping either. The Zofran does help, but there are so many things that I miss dreadfully---like caffeine, tomatoes, Italian, Thai, Mexican and Indian FOOD. YUMMMY.

I also have this blog post rolling around in my head about worry and anxiety. So far, can't seem to eek out enough time to do much of anything lately. My company is furloughing us 2 days per month, so I have a furlough day coming up on Friday. Whew. What a relief to not have company in town. There is so much housework, yardwork, lifework that needs to be caught up on. However, I'm afraid that the whole day may be spent floating around in our pool on the nifty pink air mattress that the hubby bought for me. The bees and hummingbirds seem to think it's one giant flower!

In other news, the hubby has been interviewing for jobs. It looks next month he'll most likely be receiving a pink slip. The word on the street is that they may be closing down the entire Arizona sales office (50+ employees). Hopefully he will be able to get something else lined up(this will be the 4th layoff in a 24 month period). It is SO tough to find a job these days and it's hard not to stress with me going on maternity leave this fall. Please Lord, is it too much to ask that he be gainfully employed with a company that is not in the red, in a job that he enjoys--- that will not be laying him off at anytime soon???!!! Sigh. Welcome to the real world of adulthood!! Well, that's it for now. Just a few random ramblings on a sunny Monday morning....

Friday, June 5, 2009

Wild Thing...

I had my latest check-up yesterday and I can't believe how quickly time flies (six months next week)! I've gained 12 lbs from my first OB appointment, (I refuse to calculate the extra pounds accumulated during our treatments!!!). So far, the little stinker has refused to cooperate for ultrasounds...they scheduled a second one because she squirmed and hiccuped during the first and they couldn't get a clear view of her heart/stomach. Last night she kept punching and kicking every time the ultrasound tech would shake & prod to get her in position. The poor tech tried everything and finally gave up and got the 3d probe and did some fancy technological work to get a composite of the heart. We still have yet to see her face which is kind of disappointing because according to my dr. they probably won't schedule me for any additional ultrasounds.

I had a major anxiety moment while waiting in the exam room. I overheard my dr. in the hall telling a nurse that he saw some heart palpitations on the ultrasound. Of course me in my "calm pregnant state" assumed that he's discussing my results. Minutes keep ticking by and my dr. still hasn't appeared. I have no idea how long I sat there just waiting for him to come in and tell me that they found some abnormalities on the ultrasound (I have a friend who point blank during an ultrasound was told that her daughter had spina bifida---poor thing, her husband wasn't with her, they didn't give her any warning, just announced it!!!).
The nurse kept poking her head in and saying "he'll be right in" so I was really starting to think the worst. 30+ minutes later he calmly enters, announces that everything looks fine on the ultrasound, measures my stomach, asks how I'm feeling, do I have any questions, etc., and BOOM he's gone. Seriously, it must've been a 3 minute visit. YIKES. Sometimes I HATE myself for being a worrier!!!

I find it difficult to cross over from the land of infertility because you have the "BUT" syndrome. You know the clinic lingo and drill.
"Your hormones levels look good...BUT"
"The fertilization report came in...BUT"
"the transfer went well...BUT"

....BUT...BUT...BUT. It never ends!! Even when we had a BFP on the blood test..."BUT we need to wait for the 2nd blood test to confirm"...oh my gosh, it seemed endless. I keep reminding myself that the "BUT" days are behind us, but it definitely hit me again as I sat there last night waiting for the big fat "BUT" ultrasound results!!!!

So, thank goodness that everything is going well. And, this girl is a FEISTY little thing. Kicking and punching and rolling around---completely defiant of the poor ultrasound tech on 2 occasions! It's a bit daunting---how wild is this girl going to be when she's born? ;-)